Wit and Wisdom of the Texas Legislature

Courtesy of the Texas Observer:

"I've already yielded more than a cheerleader at a drive-in."
-Sen. Kel Seliger (R-Amarillo) on the Senate floor.

"I can't define yours for you or you define mine for me. I don't have a word-for-word description of it, but any adult who is involved with sex at all in their life-they know it when they see it. I can't give you a demonstration this evening."
-Rep. Al Edwards (D-Houston) on which sexually suggestive moves his sexy cheerleader bill would outlaw.

"I'm not sure we'd want one,"
replied Rep. Kent Grusendorf (R-Arlington).

"It's a learned behavior. It's kind of like domestic violence or someone who drinks. There was someone in the family or close to the family who caused that."
-Rep. Robert Talton (R-Pasadena) on homosexuality.

"The bottom line is we're talking about murdering a perfectly viable functioning person. I don't think the risk of damage to a vital organ [of the mother] justifies reaching that level."
-Rep. Will Hartnett (D-Dallas) during a floor debate on whether to restrict certain late term abortions.

"Every time I get stopped they want to search my vehicle."
-Sen. Juan "Chuy" Hinojosa (D-McAllen) on the need for consent searches to stop harassment of people who look like him.

"We are using fingerprints, face prints, pretty soon we are going to be using butt prints."
-Rep. Garnet Coleman (D-Houston) on the passage of a law that forces all Texans to give biometric information to the Department of Public Safety in order to get a drivers' license.

"This bill allows for demographically challenged people to get a voucher, to get a scholarship out of a low-performing public school."
-Rep. Rob Eissler (R-The Woodlands) championing vouchers.

"I take offense when people associate me and my race and my culture with a social ill. I don't see how the two relate to each other. I just wanted to make that clear."
-Rep. Al Edwards (D-Houston) outraged at a comparison of discrimination based on race with discrimination based on sexual orientation.

"In a contest of wills, the House has an iron will, and the Senate ranges anywhere from frozen butter to melted butter. But it's still butter."
-Rep. Pete Gallego (D-Alpine) as quoted in The Dallas Morning News.

"What I have going on personally doesn't have a m-----f------ thing to do with nothing. If that's what you are after, f--- you."
-Rep. Harold Dutton (D-Houston) responding to a reporter's impertinent question.

"Can you imagine the kind of B.S. we'd be passing without them?"
-Rep. Kino Flores (D-Mission), as quoted in The Dallas Morning News on why lobbyists are important.